NORMAL VIEW 2:

Come for one film, stay for them all! (please?) Note that these are not movies for watching, these are movies for mocking. Loudly.

Friday, Jul. 11

7pm - 7:30pm: Introduction and Tutorial

A gentle introduction to the fine art of making fun of stupid movies, featuring footage from "Fighting Duel of Death" (Nominated for zero Academy Awards!)

7:30pm - 8:00pm: Shorts

Now that we've completely confused you, let the professionals show you how it's done; featuring short film(s) mocked by the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

8:00 pm - 10pm: Feature: Slipstream

(Digitally Enhanced Special Edition!)

(a.k.a, The Mark Hamill Time Travel film that ISN'T Time Runner)

The training wheels are off: now unable to lean on the talent of the MST3K crew, participants are stripped to their underwear (metaphorically speaking) and left to fend for themselves in the vast untamed post-apocolyptic wilderness of Friday's Feature Presentation: "Slipstream". The only way you're getting out sane is if you learn to swim. Fast. (Did we mention the rip-tide?)

~10:30pm - 12:00am: Bonus Feature: Dragon Connection

Enjoy (well, watch) the low budget, crappy telecine and strangely compelling soundtrack of this Weapons Grade Chinese Kung-Fu flick.

Saturday, Jul. 12

1:00pm - 3:00pm: Dust to Dust

What happens when a low budget filmmaker tries to make a civil-war western flick on video? We don't want to know either, but we're going to find out. Featuring the rich musical stylings of a casio keyboard!

3:00pm - 5:00pm: Beast Master 2: Through the Portal of Time

Some guy masters some beasts. He's done this before, apparently.

5:00pm - 7:00pm: Breakin' 2: Electic Boogaloo

I have no idea what this film is about, but it doesn't matter: it's got "Electric Boogaloo" in its title!

7:00pm - 8:00pm: Dinner Break

To replenish all of your sapped precious bodily fluids.

8:00pm - 10:00pm: Golden Munchie Classic: Sinbad of the Seven Seas

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll thrill to the climatic battle on the Moon; Sinbad of the Seven Seas traipses about the globe in a strange ship with a strange crew wearing way too little in the form of clothing. And please don't ask us how he gets to the moon. We really have no idea.

Sunday, Jul. 13

3:30pm - 5:00pm: Final Exam and Denoument

High off our mocking successes of the past two days, we will journey out in public to the Savoy Theater to mock a matinee performance of that high budget wreck of an animated picture, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas. Don't worry, the worst they can do is ask us to leave. (You'll have to fork out the cash for the ticket. I spent my entire allowance on hamdingers.)

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: THE SURGEON GENERAL HAS DETERMINED THAT EXPOSURE TO CRAPPY MOVIES CAN CAUSE INSANITY, ENNUI, SPONTANIOUS CRANIUM FRACTURE, RENAL FAILURE AND LOSS OF TRACTION. NOT FOR USE BY CHILDREN UNDER 12, PREGNENT WOMEN AND THOSE WITH HEAD, NECK OR BACK CONDITIONS. SINCE GUESTS WILL BE TRANSPORTED THE FURTHEST REGIONS OF OUR SOLAR SYSTEM, THIS RIDE IS NOT RECOMMENDED FOR THOSE WHO EXPERIENCE ANXIETY IN DARK, NARROW OR ENCLOSED SPACES. NOT APPROVED FOR SALE IN ALASKA, HAWAI'I OR THE ALUETIAN ISLANDS.