NORMALVIEW DOUBLE 007:

Thank you for coming in, Agent. The situation is extremely dangerous, but we're confident that your abilities are up to the challenge. Our affiliates have detected a broadcast from our old friends on the other side -- weapons-grade media capable of rendering the sharpest mind into a gooey smear. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to sabotage this broadcast in any way you can. You have full authority; we cannot allow this broadcast to proceed un-heckled. The fate of the free world may well rest in your hands. Good luck, Agent -- and do try not to get distracted by the pretty girls on the way out.

NORMALVIEW DOUBLE 007: ATTACK OF THE THE DOUBLE FEATURES

Once again, Short Pier Productions is proud to present our festival of bad movies in the style of Mystery Science Theater 3000. The lineup was chosen from a list of over 40 movies screened for this event, so the quality is truly exceptional this year. Come for as many movies as you like -- to heckle, watch others heckle, or just indulge your inherent masochism.

All showings this year will be in room 108 of the English Building, thanks to a grant from our secret ninja benefactors. Enjoy the double features in a brand new location! The building is located at 608 S. Wright St., Urbana, IL 61801. Parking in most University lots is free on the weekends and after 5pm on Friday; check the signs in each lot for any restrictions. The closest lot is near Rentertainment on John St. between 5th and 6th Streets.

The Schedule:

Friday, March 28th: WORLDSMASHER DOUBLE FEATURE

7:00 PM: Battle of the Worlds

Oh Claude Raines, how you have fallen. Those of you that suffered through War of the Planets will be pleased to know that this movie has a plot -- specifically, they stole the plot from When Worlds Collide and improved it with "science."

9:00 PM: The War in Space

Venusians are laying waste to our models and stock footage, and can only be stopped by the powerful Japanese drill-rocket Gohten! Featuring Roman spaceships, Jimmy from NASA, and the aliens from "V."

Saturday Afternoon, March 29th: CARTOON DOUBLE FEATURE

1:00 PM: Garzey's Wing

Your typical story of an easygoing Japanese teenager whisked away by a mythic interdimensional goose to save a warlike society with the power of kendo, his Towelrod, and his previously undiscovered reality twin. By the creator of Gundam and from the universe of "Aura Battler Dunbine."

3:00 PM: Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight

Remember the Dungeons and Dragons animated series? Imagine what would happen if someone tried to make an homage to it, and then hired Lucy Lawless and Kiefer Sutherland as voice actors. Warning: blood will rain from your eyes.

Saturday Evening, March 29th: RINGSIDE DOUBLE FEATURE

7:00 PM: Abraxas

Featuring Jesse "the Body" Ventura. A morality tale that could have come straight out of Shakespeare, if only he would have known about aliens, lasers, and the anti-life equation. Can our thousand-year-old alien bounty hunter overcome his moral dilemma in time to save us all?

9:00 PM: Golden Munchie Showcase: Hell Comes to Frogtown

Featuring "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. One of the all-time classics of bad movies, NormalView is proud to present the only film where a professional wrestler is the last virile male in a postapocalyptic world full of amphibious mutants and computerized chastity belts.

Sunday, March 30th

1:00 PM: Viewer's Choice

You bring them, you vote on them, you complain about them. It is your right and duty as an American citizen.

The Viewer's Choice was...The Postman, Kevin Costner's post-apocalyptic epic in which the bad guys watch "The Sound of Music", and his mule is a better Shakespearian actor than he is.

Special Guest Appearances will be made throughout the festival by Highlander: the Animated Series and the new installments of Trapped in the Closet. Doors will be unlocked during these appearances for a reasonable fee.